Sunday, 21 December 2008

Thank Fuck. A Happy Blog.

Thats me done all my christmas shopping nat. Now im like:

Just get to look forward to paper hats, cold turkey, slade, bucks fizz, shit jokes from crackers and chewin the fat repeats.Fuckeen Yass.

Does this happen to everyone or are they taking the piss and scheming against me; When you buy something and your in a busy shop and the shop prick puts a note and reciept in your hand then piles a fuckin mountain of change on top of it , then says 'next over here please' , so youv then got to balance this copper mound on top of this paper with the thing you just bought in your other hand while the 'next over here' person is right behind you trying to make you drop it all so you spill pennies all over the joint and look like a fanny?

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Thursday, 11 December 2008


Everyones been asking mewhat they've to get me for christmas and i keep saying nothing , cause I dont want or need anything, it just makes them more pissed cause they feel they have to get something and im not helping out. So ive finally decided what i want. You know the strawberry dream ones in Roses, the ones everycunt eats first and you only get 1 if yer lucky. The stuff in the middle of them , strawberry stuff, thats what i want, at least 2 litres of it , doesnt matter how you get it , you can all sit with shit loads of boxes of roses and teaspoons and then it can be a joint present from everycunt i know.Just get it, somehow,Please.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Ben : Diary of a heroin addict

I watched this documentary today - its a series of cuts of video camera tapes that a heroin addict called Ben made - He took the camera about with him everywhere he went and ended up recording the last two years of his life. I know you think so fuck , just another junkie , exept hes got a camera, but it wasnt. He's a really nice guy and he doesnt want to be addicted but cant fight the addiction even though he trys. He talks to the camera alot and he has a feble little voice, sounds friendly and not like the usual junkies. Over the film it documents him slowly getting worse and worse and its sad as fuck cause he keeps talking about how he knows its happening but he cant stop. At the end it shows you how his mum and dad cant retire because they need to keep working to get money for him to live because hes nearly dead by this point and can hardly fucking move. His dads 71 and cant retire. The end clip shows you his face up to the camera in a dark room , fucked on heroin, he says i love you mum and i love you dad and im sorry for being such a loser, and he says hes sorry for his addiction. Then theres a black screen and it says the next day he checked into a drug rehab unit but within 24 hours he died from a brain hemorage cause d by withdrawl from drugs.His dad died 9 weeks later from cancer. It should be shown in schools. It made me think differently, cause before i just thought junkies are junkies and thats it , if you get the chance, watch it.

Sunday, 7 December 2008

Christmas Trees

What the fuck? Actually never thought about that before, a tree, inside the house? Whats that got to do with anything? I mean santas clearly got fuckall to do with jesus and the religious side of christ mas. But then a tree as well, i think in planning world events somecunt just threw in a few mind benders for a laugh , fuck it, along with the jesus and that weeeee willll havveeeee........ A big fat guy wae a beard, doon the chimney........ Annnnddddd..... aaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnndddddddd...... a tree! in yer hoose.... aye thats it, naw, naw, naw wait. Ahaha just thought of a good yin , we put lights on the tree as well, aye. What yeh mean its stupit? I'll naw bother tellin yeez about the rabbit ive got planned fur easter then.

This is the word event planner:

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Dear children.


Friday, 28 November 2008

Whhhhhiiite Laaaaaaiiiinnns.

Visions, Dreams of passion.

Canny Fuckin Whack It.

Er it is.

Its yer Donation form for the mobile adventure course, as you know. This year the objective is to impale your torso on a giant peace sign, as you can see.

I wish instruction manuals for realy important things had diagrams like that, like 'what to do in case of an emergancy' manuals on planes. That would make me feel so safe.

Monday, 17 November 2008

The bible.

Right off the mark its a load of shite. In the beginning he supposedly made everything and humans and animals. The unverse is estimated to be between 13,500,000,000 and 14,000,000,000 years old, the earth: 4,500,000,000 years old, if my maths is good , and it fuckin is, that means he sat about and done fuckall for around 9,500,000,000 years, THEN, fuckin wait till you hear this, THEN, after having 9,500,000,000 years to design the fuckers, he puts fuckin HUMANS on his wee planet. He has 9.5 billion years to design us , and he couldnt even make the first one naw eat an apple , what a fucking idiot. And if we are not perfect we go to this bad place where the bad man batters fuck out of us for all eternity, but he designed us? so surely its his fault that he didnt make a good job and we'r all bad bastards , no? And to think fuckin billions of people believe this and live thier lives by it ,and have fucking wars and kill millions of people over it. Waste of time.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008


I never comment on bebo cause i find it pointless. It takes too long for a start, and anyone I would comment is already on msn , so its just a long way of saying something to them, its almost like people just do it so , again, so other people can read it and go , ohhh wonder what they're talking about. Know?

Bread thing

I forgot to say about the toaster thing, i turned it half way and it went all black and i couldnt be bothered anymore and it all went to shit.Conclusion: toasters are pish.


I know i am, shutit.

Feathers and inside jokes.

Duck ones, not yer dad. Why are they in pillows? who thought of that ? i can think of loads of other softer stuff that feathers, cause they have that spikey bit, and one came through my pillow last night an chibbed is, thats what made me think it. Anyone know?

How gay are inside jokes on websites, like when you go on bebo or whatever and theres loads of inside jokes. Like a big list of stupid things you dont want to read but fucking do anyway and some of them stick in your head and you dont have a clue what they mean , but you want to know , and if you ask they'll say "Aw its a long story" but its actually not , they're just being pricks. Its like "Im having a laugh and im cool and you dont know what im talking about".
Just get tae fuck right.
I hate people in general.

I hope it snows soon, i want to snowboard again.

Friday, 7 November 2008

Psychic bastard & burnt breed.

I had de ja vu , or however the fuck thats spelled, today. Like the really full on kind were you think you know whats gonna happen next , so i said i bet Jamie Stables walks through that door, and what happens , J to the izzle swaggers round the corner. Was fuckin epic, i meant it too, im fuckin jesus , teln yeez.

Pointless shit I notice: Why the fuck does my toaster have a setting on it thats like 10 , when if you put it to 2 and leave it in the full time it burns it, what the fucks the point in 3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 if 2's already too much. See tomorrow morning im gonna try 3 , and the next day ill try 4 and so on , tell you what happens. I'm hoping it makes toast really quick, so by next week i can put it to 10 then i can make toast in like 1.34 seconds, that will be fucking great.

Got one more, this wans good. How much of a prick would you be if you made cup a soup in a bowl? Actually.?

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Aye , eh...

Oh aye, go on it or i'll do the scanners head splode to you:


Thats them got their first black president, everytime I see him on tv speaking im going to be in anticipation of his head exploding like fuck and everyone screaming and shit like this :

America's far too racist to have a black president. He even has 3 names , like all the other assasinated presidents of America, and his middle ones fuckin Hussain! No chance. Teln yeh.

Oh aye, i was thinking about Haloween and all that shite and i ended up thinking about Easter. Were the fuck does the easter bunny come from? i can see the eggs symbolise the stone from jesus grave or whatever , usual religious pish, but then i thought rabbits dont even lay fuckin eggs ? so were did he come from. Hes a prick anyway , i got one of those big bars of dairy milk last year and a tenner, thats not even an egg. Obama should ban the easter bunny and have him shot. Wank.

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

That's what she said.

I was talking about this today, i fuckin hate it when people say , "Thats what she said" when you say something like "This is hard". Its the most unfunny , uninventive, shite patter. You can say it after anything ; "Im not really fond of marshmallows" , "Thats what she said". Utter shite. You dont even make any part of it up , cause its the same line everytime. On another note , America might have a black president tomorrow, that would be cool, lets see what the possible vice president has to say :

Who's gonna be the first fat riot to write "Thats what she said" in the comments?.Prick.

Sunday, 26 October 2008

First Fucking Post.

So this will mark the start of my dribbling shitfest of a blog probably. I'll post whenever i can be arsed and about whatever im thinking about when I can be arsed. Comment, even if i dont know you.........fuck it , no ones even going to read it anyway...